February 05, 2024

15 Struggles All Lesbians Can Relate To

We all have those experiences that are easy to relate to. Maybe you were late to work, and your boss chewed you out in front of the staff. Or maybe you got stood up on a date you were really looking forward too. Whatever the situation may have been, there is always one thing for certain: the more cringe-worthy the situation, the more people can relate to it. For every one awkward situation you’ve encountered, someone in the LGBT community has encountered 3, all before noon. So, we’ve compiled this list of relatable struggles that lesbians run into on the day today.

  1. It’s just a “phase”

Admit it, you rolled your eyes the second you read that sentence. Every lesbian has been in this conversation. Either you’ve just come out to someone, or a friend has found out you’re gay, and they hit you with this demeaning line. The important thing to know is that, if you’re sure about yourself, then it is not a phase. No one can tell you who to be! So, if one of your friends, colleagues, or family members utters this sentence, throw some glitter in the air, and forget about it.

  1. People asking you if you’ve ever had sex with a guy

It’s at this point that you grab a dictionary, and point out what the word lesbian means. And while you’re at it, you should flip to the section where the word “boundaries” is listed, and explain to them what that means too. This question often leads to a situation that can go two ways: 1. The person you’re talking with will say “Well if you’ve never had sex with a guy, then how do you know??” or 2. “You aren’t really gay if you’ve slept with a man”. To both of these responses, you should don your gay flag as a cape, and leave the situation immediately. Again, this comes down to how you feel. It doesn’t matter if you’ve slept with men or if you haven’t because lesbianism isn’t (or shouldn’t) be defined in terms of how you feel, or your past interactions with men, but about your feelings for women.

  1. Straight girls saying that it’s cool if you don’t hit on me

Every lesbian has heard this. You finally gain enough confidence to come out to your friends or acquaintances and instead of support, you’re met with passive aggressive comments about hitting on them. And when you jokingly try to break the awkward tension with “Don’t worry, you’re not my type”, your cheeky quip gets you the evil eye.


  1. Being mistaken for sisters

It is true that couples who are together for an extended period of time, begin to act like each other. This can manifest in many forms such as, using the same phrases or mimicking gestures. But it seems that many lesbian couples, at one point or another, are always mistaken for sisters. This can be taken in two ways: 1. The asker of the question thinks you can’t get a girlfriend. Or 2. You need to up your gay game (maybe buy more snapbacks?). Either way, this conversation should end in a fight for your honor.

  1. Not being able to tell if a girl is gay

Is she looking at you because she likes your shirt, or is she checking you out? Are you totally reading all of the signals wrong, or is she just too chicken to make a move? The inability to tell if a girl is gay or not plagues us all at one point or another. The best you can do is start up a conversation with her, and hope for the best. But know that there are tons of other girls out there too!

  1. Being asked, “who is the dude?”

This question is highly insensitive and often asked by ignorant or homophobic people. Gender expression can come in many forms, and yes that includes masculine forms. However, that doesn’t mean that there is now a “dude” in the relationship. If you, a friend, or your girlfriend ever get asked this, it’s best to just ignore the jerk who asked, and continue to live a happy life expressing yourself any way you want.

  1. Being mistaken for best friends only

Just gals being pals! How nice of you to buy your best friend flowers! You two must be the best of friends since you hold hands all the time! You both live together? You must be best friends! Yikes. Yes, your girlfriend is probably your best friend, but more importantly, she is your girlfriend. Don’t be afraid to flaunt that! Even if someone keeps pointing out that you’re friends, ignore them and keep being the best friend and girlfriend your girlfriend has ever had.

  1. “You got a boyfriend?”

What part of “gay” or “lesbian” do you not understand? No, I don’t have a boyfriend, and no it’s not a matter of not having met the right guy. “I’m gay” doesn’t mean convince me otherwise.

  1. Becoming obsessed with a TV show that features a gay character

I’m sure we can all only name a handful of TV shows that feature a gay character. And the stack gets even thinner if we change the category to “TV show with the LGBT character that is well developed and actually survives”. But finally you hear of a show that has a lesbian character (or better yet one with a love interest) and you find yourself binge-watching episodes just to get to that character’s storyline. Happens to the best of us.

  1. Falling for a straight girl

Rule number one: Don’t fall for a straight girl. ‘Nuff said.

  1. Lesbian urge to merge

It seems like you and your girlfriend have been dating forever now, I mean that was the longest and most romantic month of your life. You’ve talked it over with her, and you both agree that it’s time to take it to the next level. Now all that’s left to do is to decide who will rent the Uhaul. This phenomenon is called the “Lesbian Urge to Merge” and it affects at least 80% of new lesbian couples. You’re still in your honeymoon phase, and you just want to adopt a cat and move in together. If you truly believe you’ve found your soulmate, then great! But in most cases, you still more time to develop the relationship, and you should probably hold off on moving in together.

  1. Being asked, “You’re gay now?”

What most straight people don’t realize, is that discovering your sexuality and coming out is a very long process. Yes, maybe when you knew me in high school you thought I was straight. But turns out there was a reason I loved football games so much, and it wasn’t for what was going on on the field. People grow, and people change, and one of those things that can change is your sexuality.

  1. “You don’t look like a lesbian”

“Ugh, Kate Moennig would be so disappointed in me right now because I don’t look gay!” Just kidding, because there really isn’t any certain way to dress like a “lesbian”. Yes, many lesbians tend to wear a certain style of snapbacks, flannels and ripped skinny jeans, but this doesn’t represent all lesbians. Some lesbians fall more on the femme side of the spectrum and like to express themselves as more girly. On the other hand, some are more of a neutral tomboy. There are tons of ways to express yourself, and still be a lesbian.

  1. When someone makes a homophobic joke without knowing you’re gay

Believe it or not, there are still some people out there that think jokes made at the expense of gay people are funny. And most time they only get told around you, because said jokester doesn’t realize you’re gay. If the situation makes you uncomfortable, and you still don’t want to come out, then the best option is to just leave the conversation. However, if you’re feeling brave, putting that guy in his place is always a great option too.


I bet you say this to yourself at least ten times a day, you gay mess, you. It’s true though, every turn you make, you see yet another incredible woman. It’s hard not to admire women for all they have to offer.